For a young child, starting childcare can feel like being dropped on Mars. Nothing is familiar. The people are new, the smells are new, the routines are new. This flood of new experiences triggers their brain to ask some very important questions. If you’ve come to a Busy Bees Music class before, you’ll know that anytime a child (or anyone) walks into a new situation, their brain checks in with these three big questions:
🛡️ Am I safe?
❤️ Am I loved?
🧸 Who will take care of me?
Before your kiddo can enjoy their daycare experience, these questions need to be answered through relationship. A child can’t fully engage, explore, or feel confident in a new setting until they sense safety, love, and care from the adults around them. So in preparation for that big first day, here are a few things to strengthen their sense of safety and connectedness.
The more familiar a child feels with their new environment and routine, the more secure and confident they’ll be on day one. Here are some practical ideas:
Attend multiple orientations, or if possible, start with shorter visits or partial sessions. Repeated exposure helps your child feel familiar with the space and routines.
Avoid discussing your own anxieties in earshot of your kiddo. Your calm confidence helps them feel safe.
Take photos of the centre, the toys, the play areas, and the teachers and pop them on the fridge at home so your kiddo becomes familiar with their new environment. Photos from orientation (with your kiddo enjoying the centres activities) are also helpful.
Take a photo of your kiddo with their teacher and maybe even of all of you together. This shows your child that your worlds overlap and that you and the teacher are on the same team.
Talk about your kiddo’s teacher positively at home. Use their name and highlight what they do ('Miss Tania loves singing songs and playing with you').
Roleplay how a typical day might look: the drop-off, the pick-up, and the special time that you’ll share afterwards (more on that later). Honour any feelings that come up during roleplays or visits. Validating emotions helps your kiddo feel safe and understood.
Practice goodbye rituals at home. Saying goodbye to Daddy, grandparents, or favourite teddies as you head out for your day, then welcoming them again on return, makes parting more familiar.
Bring familiar comfort items from home, such as their favourite teddy, story, or blanket. These act as a bridge between home and childcare.
Sleeping with their daycare clothes the night before so your scent stays with them is another useful tip. These little anchors remind them that they are still connected to Mum and Dad, even when apart.
Observe your kiddo’s cues. Notice if they need extra reassurance or closeness before, during, or after their orientation/daycare day.
Create a special ritual at pick-up. A high-five, hug, trip to the park, an icecream or any small shared activity reinforces connection and safety, adding a deposit into their connection bucket.
Each step adds to your child’s sense of safety.
Rather than slipping away quickly, keep goodbyes warm, short, and confident:
'You’re safe here with Miss Tania. Daddy will be back after rest time to pick you up.'
This reassures your child that they are safe and that you will return. Slipping away without saying goodbye can make a child feel unsettled, leaving them stuck on their first question, Am I safe?, because they haven’t yet received the reassurance they need.
It’s normal for children to cling more in the evenings, have big feelings, or need extra comfort the day after childcare. This isn’t misbehaviour; it’s their way of topping up on connection after a big stretch away from you.
When you pick them up, give them your undivided attention for at least an hour. Simple is best: eye contact, cuddles, reading, or play. Think of connection like deposits in a bank account:
Before childcare: a cuddle, a shared song
After childcare: play, snuggles, outdoor time
On non-childcare days: extra deposits to keep the tank full
Predictability helps children relax. Try:
The same breakfast and getting-ready routine
A consistent goodbye phrase
Practising any songs or rituals the centre uses at home
When they know what comes next, their nervous system rests easier.
Children attach to people, not places. When they feel connected to their teacher, the centre itself feels safer. You can help by:
Talking positively about the teacher at home
Letting your child see you and the teacher chatting warmly
Sharing your child’s routines, comfort items, and cues
Taking photos that include your child, you, and the teacher together
This tells your child: “This person is part of my circle of safety.”
If your child only attends once or twice a week, each return may feel like starting fresh. Offering more connection the day before, the morning of, and the evening after can smooth the transition.
Parenting author Sarah Ockwell-Smith reminds us:
'Before detachment, must first come attachment.
Before independence, must first come dependence.'
Young children can’t be pushed into independence by being left before they are ready. True independence is a developmental milestone, built only on the solid foundation of feeling safe, dependent, and securely attached.
So when a child struggles with separation, it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that they still need the comfort of dependence, and that’s not only normal, it’s necessary.
Starting childcare is a big step. By focusing on emotional and relational safety, through attachment, familiarisation, comfort items, and warm teacher partnerships, you give your child the security they need. From that secure base, independence will come naturally, in their own time.
Wishing you and your kiddo a smooth and hapy start. As always though, if you need any extra support just shout out.
Miss Tania 💛 🐝 🎶
